ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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