I can tuck mytits in my pants
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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