i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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