my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Randomize
