My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
