No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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