I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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