Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
