dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
