how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
