you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
