if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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