Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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