i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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