did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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