I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
