this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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