He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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