I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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