Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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