Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
