Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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