your room smells of hookers.
And success
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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