Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
