We're like a lot better than the average bears
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just want nice things and good sex
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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