He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
