The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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