she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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