Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
