Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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