Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
