She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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