I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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