if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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