What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
