Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
