I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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