remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
