I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
