i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
