1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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