My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
