Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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