what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
