(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
