I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
