i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
