as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
