Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
