Do you still have your period?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
