Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
