It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
