somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
