too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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