maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
