Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
