Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
